The Pecan Parody
by Paige Collins
Summary: A really funny parody. Nothing to do with pecans though.


" I don't really want to do this." Jake said.

" Your idea!" Rachel said.

" Shut up!" Marco yelled. " This ain't in the script!"

" What script?" Rachel and Jake said.

" Um… nothing." The three including Tobias and Cassie were attempting to cut through the abandoned construction site.

" What if there is an ax murderer loose?" Cassie asked.

" So? We die!" Marco said, a usual ray of sunshine. Rachel slapped him across the face.

" Wow! She loves me!" He laughed.

" Look! It's two raccoons!" Tobias shrieked. The raccoons waltzed over.

" My names Rac-daddy and that there is da' godfadda." The raccoon said. Marco laughed and kicked them both heaven wards. They sailed through the air, going so fast they whistled. They landed in an old mans coffee, giving him a heart attack, he died and his family sued the raccoons.

Richard Simmons walked by and was hit by a speeding bus.

Nothing unusual. They continued walking.

" Look!" Tobias cried.

" Oh****! It's UF and O!" Marco cried. They ran to watch it as it flew over.

" It strangely resmebles a brownie. Or someone's butt." Rachel exclaimed.

" You're right Rach!" Marco cried.

" Look! It's crashing! Someone could get hurt!" Tobias pointed out.

" Nah, no one will be hurt" Marco said.

" C'mon, let's go!" Jake said and the two boys and three girls (Marco is considered a girl… just kidding.) ran.

The space…brownie landed. The door swung open and out stepped:

" Bill Clinton? Bill is an alien? I knew it!" Marco said.

" He's hurt! I can help! I know all about helping animals!" Cassie said.

Ugh! Do not be alarmed. I come in peace!

" So, were is Monica?" Rachel asked.

Back at my Andalite home planet. Bill Clinton said. I hi-jacked this space brownie and attempted to kill Elfangor. I did not succeed. I would have if Elmo hadn't been in my way. He hated Elfangor. So do I, but Elmo is evil. He killed him. Suddenly, a space coyote came from the sky.

The Yeerks! Elmo is in charge and his son Visser Three is onboard. He told them of the Yeerks.

Go and get the brown box from my drawer. Hurry or I'll puke on you! Jake ran in and got it.

Touch your hands to it and you'll have the power to morph into anything you touch. Bill said.

" No way! That thing could have germs!" Rachel said.

Shut up and touch it or I'll cry. 

" Noooo!" She said as she and the others pressed their hands against it.

Now go or I'll kill you! They ran away. Bill died.

" Rachel: Morph to CD player. Marco: Morph into Britney Spears! Tobias: Morph into a carrot. Cassie, you and me are going bookbag!" Jake yelled. They morphed…not a pretty sight. They fought and Marco shot Elmo.

Son? Elmo called to Visser Three.

Yes? 

Take over the invasion! I soon won't be here.

But dad…

Goodbye…

Noooo!

He died. And Visser Three went after the Five kids who later call themselves the Animorphs.

Robin Williams has purple hair. Okkkaaaay…

Jake went to bed as soon as he got home. He was grounded for five years.

" Jake, you have a visitor! Open up stupid!" Jake's mom said.

" Come in." Jake said. Tobias came in. He was glowing. Glowing so bright, Jake put on sunglasses.

" I'm going to die Jake. I found out I am allergic to morphing"

He said and died. Jake jumped up. Suddenly, he felt a breeze. He whirled around.

" You are my son and the one true king. Remember." Tobias said. He was up in the sky.

" Father?"

" Remember." Suddenly, Tobias woke up. " Darn!"

_Several months later…well later._

" Well, what is that thing?" Marco asked.

" It is called a brownie!" Jake said and ate it.

" Rachel, I'm bored. Beat me up or kill me or something."

Suddenly, Elmo came in.

" I thought you were dead!" Marco cried and shot him. This time he just blew up.

An Andalite came in.

Luke, I am your fatha. Elfangor said.

My name ain't Luke. Tobias said.

Oh, well, bye! He said and died again.

Ah,ah,ah,ah, Andalite, Andalite, ah,ah,ah,ah. Ax sang, then started singing Blue.

I'm blue! He said.

" Duh!" Marco said. Bill Clinton came in.

" I did not have an affair with Mrs. Lewinsky." He said then was surprised to see children.

" I thought you were dead." Marco said.

" Oh yeah!" He said and walked up the invisible staircase to Heaven. Heaven? Suddenly, the invisible staircase became a slide and he slid down. That's better.

A teddy bear entered the room. Marco shot him.

" Noooo! Mr. Fuzz!" Cassie cried.

" Cassie, it is just a teddy bear." Jake said.

" You're right." She kicked it, it flew over a field, hit a tree and exploded in a puff of fire. Then, Marco's hair caught fire.

" Noooo!" He cried and dunked his head in some water, crawling with snakes. He ran out of the barn, hair on fire, and snakes covering his body.

Rachel morphed into an ant and was eaten by Ax.

Barney came in.

" Wait Layne!" Marco said suddenly alive and all restored.

Yes Marco?

" Why are all these people coming in?"

It's my fanfic! I want them to come.

" Die %$#^*!" Barney cried. Marco fell down.

" Goodbye!" He said and died. Cassie hit him with a shoe.

" You freak! Get out of my barn!" She cried. Suddenly,

"Oh here we go again!" Marco said.

Thank you Marco for that. Suddenly, Britney Spears comes in (**everyone cheers and claps and whistles)**

" Whoa!" Marco said. 

" C'mon Marco!" Britney said.

" He's my man!" Cassie cried.

" Cassie!" Jake said. They got in a big fight. Cassie wanted Marco, Marco wanted Britney and Britney wanted Marco and no one wanted Jake. Poor Jake. (Snicker, Snicker.)

" Jerry, Jerry, Jerry!" 

A Sario Rip! Ax said.

They were on Jerry Springer.

" He's my man, not yo' man!" Cassie said.

" Uh-uh, girlfriend!" Britney said and Cassie went for her.

" Uh-uh!" She dodged and soon it was full-blown fight.

" Girls! You can both have me!"

" Stay out of this ****! You little *beep! And you Cassie are a *beep!" Britney said.

*Audience: Oooh!

" Let's bring out Jake, the girl…er…boy Cassie used to like." Jerry said.

*Audience: Booooo!

" Well, tell me, Cassie, why don't you like Jake anymore?" Jerry Springer asked.

" Cause he is a little *((&&^@#$)!" Cassie said.

* Audience: Ohhh!

Suddenly, the Animorphs are sent to Cassie's room.

" CASSIE!" Cassie's father burst in.

" You just won a trip to an island somewhere and an ocean cruise. How do you feel?" 

" How do I feel? Honey, what…what is this? What is the meanin' of dis'? Bustin' up in here like you sumtin special?" Cassie replied.

" Leave and I'll give you a llama."

" Oooh goody! A llama! I always wanted a llama!" Cassie shrieked.

" Um and get rid of the Andalite." He said.

They where on the cruise. Marco was drawing a picture of Rachel. Rachel was staring into space like a retard. Tobias was… well, has Tobias died yet? Anyway, out of nowhere, Tobias spontaneously combusts. Ax, heartbroken and without a friend in the world, jumps overboard. Jake was worrying if they'd done the right thing.

Sure! We need a vacation! Tobias said.

" Tobias, you spontaneously combusted, remember?" Jake said.

Oh yeah. Shoot! I'm dead! Oh well. He left. Suddenly, the ship turned.

" What the heck is going on in here?" Jake asked.

" Iceberg! Right ahead!" The captain said.

" But this boat goes to a little island."

" It's a fanfic! Anything is possible!" The boat begin to sink. Rachel blew up, Marco (as a result of not being able to swim) drowned, Tobias was dead, and so was Ax.

That left Cassie and Jake.

" Jake, I'm so cold." Cassie said. He froze to death.

"Near, far, wherever you are, I believe that the heart does go on." Cassie sang and was shot due to the survivors thought they were being attacked, but it was really Cassie's bad singing.

" Whoa! I'm not dead!" Marco said. He swam (odd cause I thought he couldn't) to a little island.

" What?" He said, seeing his friends alive.

" Yes, we are alive." Jake said. They soon forgot all about it.

" We need to flag down a plane!" Marco said. Then he had a brilliant idea. He shave Rachel's blonde hair off, caught the gleam of the sun and waved her wildly. It was blinding. A plane flew over head.

" Frank, I'm seeing shaved head here. Should we go and investigate?" The pilot said.

" Yep, Bob, we should." The other pilot said.

They landed and the Animorphs got in. They had been in the air for and hour, seeing nothing but water. Then:

" We are going down!" The intercom said. Everyone screamed. Then:

" Cause one, you're like a dream come true,

Two, Just wanna be with you,

Three, Girl it's plain to see that you're the only one for me,

Four, Repeat steps one through three,

Five, Make you fall in love with me, when ever I believe my work is done then I start back at one."

" Shut-up!" Marco said, hitting Brian McKnight with a large dictionary. He just kept on singing.

" Quick, Layne! Type us somewhere else! I don't want to die!" Okay, okay, Jake, where?

" Anywhere!!!" The Animorphs are back in the barn.

" I'm tired!" Jake said and took a nap while the other Animorphs played with Barbies.

He awoke, back on the island!? Ricky Martin was there was three hot pencils in a tub full of fudge bars. A little dog slash dresser came by, was shot and died. He awoke for real. He was awake for a while. Marco and Rachel are swing dancing, Tobias is playing catch with Einstein, Cassie a was working out and Ax is looking at a Woman's World magazine. Reek came in.

" Guys! We have a mission." Erek said.

Ax and Tobias didn't want to come. They came to where he was.

" Oh no it's the Showchoirer! The worst one of all!" Jake said.

" I'll make you do _I Got The Music In Me_!" He said evilly.

The Animorphs suddenly were dancing.

" Ain't got no trouble in my life, No foolish dreams to make me cry. I'm never frightened or worried. I know I'll always get by!" They sang and danced, pleasing the Showchoirer.

" You must be stopped!" Rachel said.

" Time to meet Cassie!" Cassie said in an uncommonly deep male voice. Who was now the "Cassienator." Jake was Batman, Marco was Superman, Rachel was Sailor Moon.

" Ahhhhhh!" He screamed as she shot him with a gun.

" I got a banana and I know how use it!" Rachel screamed.

Everyone froze. A banana? That was threatening? Sure.

" He escaped while we were being acting stupid!" Jake said.

" Who is acting?" Marco said and the others nodded solemnly.

" After him!" They got in the Animorph Mobile. They sped away.

" Hey! A cop!" Jake said. They pulled over.

" Just how much have you been drinking? How old are you?

And is that Superman?"

" I'm Jake, never drank before, and about thirteen." He said.

" Uh-huh." The cop said. " I'm a controller and you are an Animorph. Now go get that bad guy!" 

" Yes sir!" He sped away (again). After being pulled over by five different cops, a old lady and Bill Gates, they finally arrived. 

" Where are we?" Jake asked.

" We are at a…" He peered over the side. " A dam!"

" Don't say that!" Marco said.

" That is where we _are_!"

" Oh. Then let's kick bad boy booty!" He said and everyone stared at him.

They where at the edge. Cassie tripped and fell in. Jake, who loved Cassie, jumped in. Rachel, who was Jake's cousin, jumped, Tobias loved Rachel, and jumped, Ax jumped for Tobias had and Prince Jake had and Marco just laughed and said " Suckers." Then was soon pushed in by an old retired postal worker named Edna.

They were in a flower. On the Magic School Bus.

They trashed the bus, and hijacked it forcing them to drive them to Tokyo. Unfortunately, they wouldn't. Too bad for the Animorphs.

" Let's go home." Jake suggested.

They went home.

" Hey Marco!" Marco's dad said. " Where ya' been the past three days?"

" Out."

" Oh, gotcha a kitten. Name it whatever you want."

" Sure. I'll name the cute little thing Legs."

He went to his bedroom. The cute little kitten leaned over as Marco entered his room.

" I see dead people." The kitten whispered. In surprise, Marco tripped, and flung the kitten. It hit the wall, causing it shatter to a million pieces. The pieces came together, forming a kitten.

" I'm suing you Marco!" Legs said.

Jake went home.

" Hi honey! Oh yes! We found out you like Cassie!"

Jake almost slapped his stupid mother in frustration. Duh mother! I've always liked Cassie! He went out and bumped into Marco.

" Have you seen a gray kitten named Legs going around saying he's gonna sue me?" Marco asked.

" No, but I have to tell you something." Jake said.

" What?"

" I see dead people." Jake said. Marco was mad at him for saying that so he pushed him in a highway full of busy traffic.

" Hi mom! I'm home!" Rachel said.

" Hi Sarah!" She said.

" How could you see Sarah? She's dead!"

" I see dead people." Rachel replied in a quiet voice.

" Duh! We all see dead people! Our whole family is dead. I'm actually fifty!"

" MOM!" Rachel screamed. She asked her about them being dead.

" No sweety. We aren't dead. Sarah is just fine."

" Hi dad! I am home!" Cassie said to her dad.

" Oh, hi! We got twenty-five injured chickens today."

" Save the Chickens! Save the Whales! Save the Skunks!" Cassie cried. " I see dead people!" She was placed in mental hospital, but is out now.

Tobias came home.

Hi Ax! I see dead people! Tobias said.

If Layne makes anyone say that again, I'll harm her. Suddenly, Ax was murdered by his crazy aunt George, and Uncle Edith. So, there is justice in the world.

Layne came home… wait a minute! Layne is the author! She can't come home! How stupid of me! Anyway, scratch that.

The Animorphs went into the barn.

Ax got on the table and sang Believe by Cher. He actually sounded like her. Suddenly (I put that too much) Boris walks in.

" Oh MY GOSH!" Boris said. " I am so sorry." Brooke, Shawn, Christopher, and Nadia walk in. Ax sings louder.

" Shut up!" Jake snapped, looking at the crew of Animorphs that were off the TV show.

Yes Prince Jake. I will sing Larger Than Life by BSB. He said. They walked out. Jake stuck his head in cage full of injured, crazy chickens. They killed him.

Cassie cried for no reason, for she loved Marco, not what's-his-face that was dead now. Ah well, they'd get over it.

" I am sick of dying. Let's see who is responsible for this!"

Um, I'm sorry. It's me, Layne.

" Oh _Layne_!" Jake said. Shut up or I'll delete you. 

" Make me!" Jake said. Suddenly, Jake disappeared.

" That's odd. I suddenly feel crazy for Jake." She morphed a lion, Jake morphed a stapler, Marco morphed (for not reason) Layne, Rachel didn't morph, but was accidentally shot while committing suicide. Ax put on a strip show, although he had no clothes on to begin with.

" Hey, let's trash Layne's computer." Jake said. They agreed. They came and broke her computer and tied her up. Jake got out his laptop and took over.

My name is Jake. Cassie just received news that five new animals came into her clinic.

Marco got three girls: Britney Spears, Christina Aguliera, Mandy Moore. Not to mention seventy other models.

Tobias got about seventy mice.

Rachel received a shopping mall.

I got to make all the decisions I want.

Ax got all the cinnamon buns he could eat.

" Bun-zuh!" Ax says. Goodbye.

The End 

It ain't the end till I say it's the end.

The Animorphs left Layne alone. Back on board their ship, the Coat hanger:

" You think Layne will ever suspect we are dryer lint?" Marco asked.

" No, she never will." Jake and the others laughed. Guess again. I'm everywhere. Bwa-ha-ha-ha!

" Ahhhhhhhhhhh!" The Animorphs screamed.

Script--------------------Layne Penton.

Colors-------------------George Jenkins

Character---------------Jenny Devori

Director------------------Celine Geion

Producer----------------Mel Peirce

Actors--------------------Jake: Shawn 

Actors--------------------Rachel: Brooke

Actors--------------------Tobias: Christopher

Actors-------------------Cassie: Nadia

Actors-------------------Marco: Boris

Actors-------------------Ax: Paulo

Actors-------------------Visser Three: That odd guy

Actors-------------------Bill Clinton: Himself

Actors-------------------Elmo: Himself

Actors-------------------Britney Spears: Herself

Actors-------------------Marco's Dad: Who cares?

Actors-------------------Marco's kitten Legs: Himself

Actors-------------------Jake's Parents: Dunno.

Actors-------------------Cassie's father: Huh? 

Actors-------------------Layne: Bethany Layne Penton

This all copy-write of Layne Art%. None of this should be copied, if so… I'll rip their heads off their shoulders. Now this is the official the end.


End file.
